i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize