i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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