I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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