Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
