in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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