I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
