I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
