if i can run in heels then i can drive
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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