I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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