I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
wow bdsm is so cute
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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