oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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