i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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