I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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