i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
