I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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