My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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