Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
