I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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