in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
