just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
