haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
