Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
