@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
