Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
