I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sobbing to NWA
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
