Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
