So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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