Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
