i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
