He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
