Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
