i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
