So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
