I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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