I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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