come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
