Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
As shirtless as possible
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
