then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
