i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
