I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
