I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
