Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
