I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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