I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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