I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
