What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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