he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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