my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they need to just BURY HIM!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
