Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
