windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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