Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
