I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
