loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
