party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize