Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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