its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
