I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize