his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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