it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
