He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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