im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
