I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
