she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
