please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
