You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
