i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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