'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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