They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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