i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
