do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize