Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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