so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
