I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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